# June 9, 2019 Negative Post-43

On June 9, 2019,

I fear the shadows of girls. Besides being frightened, I also have to contemplate evasive topics. When a girl laughs, I might cry silently. I've experienced it once, luckily only online. I apologize; my crying is silent. I've been like this since I was little, shedding tears, or I should say, avoiding crying. The definition of my fear of girls is quite complex, and currently, I cannot determine the specific factors that contribute to it. However, I exhibit deliberate avoidance behavior. For instance, when going out with girls, I'm okay. If a girl asks me to give her a ride, I would suggest she ask someone else. If she goes to the changing room to change clothes, I turn away until she says it's okay for me to look (Is this not nonsense?). In any case, it's a behavior of avoiding girls, very quiet but, in some situations, a protective behavior.

Furthermore, I'm generally quiet, especially when going out with friends, and I become even quieter in the presence of girls. I'm not good at talking to girls. When witnessing the birth of new life, I also feel like crying, but it's a kind of sorrowful cry (perhaps because I don't want the child to become like me). I'm not good at taking care of babies and children. Sometimes I observe how others take care of children. I started thinking about the issue of children when I was 16. Of course, it's unlikely for me to have children, let alone a girlfriend. Mainly, I contemplate how to take care of children because I don't have siblings and have never taken care of a baby, only held one. Also, I always take warm showers regardless of the season because I'm afraid of the temperature of cold water (I didn't used to be afraid, and I don't know when I started fearing the cold. Even when it's hot, I still take warm showers). If it's just a breeze, I don't feel cold. If my body is wet and not exposed to the wind, I feel cold. During emotional outbursts, especially when I'm sad, I also feel cold, even if my body is dry and there's no wind. Sometimes, when I'm too tired, I feel cold. My teeth aren't in good condition. When I lost my baby teeth at the age of 6, my bite alignment became irregular. It's been 12 years. I tend to bite while eating, but not while speaking or wearing a full mask. Of course, invisible braces cost over 20 thousand NT, and regular braces cost over 10 thousand NT.

June 9, 2019, 8:06 PM.\
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By ChatGPT translate
